my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize