you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
