can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is classic penis vs brain.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
