im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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