tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
