We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
