That's intense
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
