Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
