You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
