This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize