i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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