Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
