My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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