I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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