I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
May the power of my ass compel you!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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