therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I believe in your delicious
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
