I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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