dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry about my life...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
