Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
