I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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