Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
