Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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