I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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