I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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