Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
