Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
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