my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Are my feet made of real feet?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
