I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
