I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
