handjob tips. give me some.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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