Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
