you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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