I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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