i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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