I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
