I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
