dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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