I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ketchup is God's man juice
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
