I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
