I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
