I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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