How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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