I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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