remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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