I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
