jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
