sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
