I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
