Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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