Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
