rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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