omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
