I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
