Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
