nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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