i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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