we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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