The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
