I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize