You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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