Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
