i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize