capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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