hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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