Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
