i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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