I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
