My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
