you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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