Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize