Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
