Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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