I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
