I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize