theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
