Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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