there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
