whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
