Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the liver wants what the liver wants
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
