He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize