Duck Duck Cougar?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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