saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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