dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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