Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
