i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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