Umm I'm too high to move.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
