I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
