she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize