I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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