i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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