My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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