I am midnight drunk by noon
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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