i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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