Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
