Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
