Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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