No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
His nipple licking is glorious
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