your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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