i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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