nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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