So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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