He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
