just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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