It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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