So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
