its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
