there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize