If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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