Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
