Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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