Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
