Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
