They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize